Mommy has an ASD
For years I have used the phrase “it’s just my Autism.” Journey with me back in time for a moment. Growing up I had a very weak immune system. Sensitivity to noise in crowded places such as a restaurant or department store and warehouses such as Costco made my ears hurt with the loud coolers and how the sounds echoed off the tall ceilings. I found it strange because I would listen to my rock and roll music full blast. I had repetitiveness in shows I watched, songs I liked, books I read and the order in which I did daily activities. I always struggled in a classroom. I had issues with sensory to texture such as fruit at the bottom of yogurt, fruit in jello, cottage cheese, stuffed bell peppers and dumplings. I had the ability to memorize absolutely everything. I felt like an encyclopedia. As I got older I starting failing out of school and focused my attention to what I knew I was good at; eating, flirting and sex. Eventually sabotaging every partner I had. Luckily, my Mom was very attentive and I went into an independent study program which for me was perfect. I did not have many friends. Sarah Lyle I may have died without you. I was dramatic. I cried over everything or became very angry. As I continued to age I was never satisfied in jobs. They were boring to me. Day in day out same thing. I eventually went to work for Princess Cruise Lines and for the first time in my life I loved my job. A coworker and friend used the term ‘micromanage’ and perhaps that is why I enjoyed it so much. Structure and routine but with constant change with every client. Travel is my passion a way to escape. My anxiety and my OCD intensified as I grew even older until I finally admitted to needing help and started taking the drug Paxil. My threshold to pain is incredible. I loved labor and childbirth. I had a tummy tuck, breast lift and breast reduction all in one day. I lost a substantial amount of blood and had very low blood pressure. I was denied pain medicine for many hours. Two blood transfusions later I was given Morphine but could skip doses. I was hospitalized a week and by the time I came home was moving around as if nothing happened with only a pain-killer at bedtime for the next week. Even knowing all of this I was never diagnosed as having an ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder.) Having two children with HFA (High Functioning Autism) I really started to understand myself better. It had been suggested by professionals many times that I too was on the spectrum.
A random phone call to my former psychologist gave me the answer I was looking for. Dr Beverly is a wonderful psychologist. Unfortunately, she is no longer in my area or accepting my insurance but that is not stopping me from seeing her again. We have set up an appointment for next week and I am planning to have phone appointments monthly with an in person appointment every three or six months.
It is amazing to know and understand myself after all this time. More importantly I feel I understand my children better. I am blessed with an amazing family who have always loved me even if I made them crazy. I have an incredible fiancée who loves me to the ends of the Earth and back and has told me “no matter how hard you try I will not let you sabotage this.” I have made friends who ‘get me’ and know the real me. Everyone who meets me says they feel like they have known me forever and love me which is perfect because I love the masses. So my last blog I was simply Raising Up Autism and now I am Living And Raising Up Autism.
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June 29, 2014 Sunday at 4:34 pm